I practice alcohol moderation. I say this with some trepidation because talking about alcohol can be tricky when we know that alcoholism is a disease that harms people. However, I have found myself open to the possibility that not everyone has the disease. Some people find themselves in a situation of over consumption through habit formation, social pressure and other factors. For those impacted by alcoholism these views may be hard to consider. For me, I can only speak from personal experience.
At this time last year, I was drinking too much. I was aware that it was too much, but I had a horrible job and I was able to easily justify my consumption. Then I quit the job, and my drinking stayed the same. With no reason to support the intake, I decided to do Dry January – a month of not drinking to start the New Year. The first three days were so much worse than I could have imagined. It was not that it was so hard to not drink - I quit smoking a few years ago and can now power through a few days of anything – it was that not drinking was very hard on my body. The withdrawals were terrible, surprising and a little scary - you read on the internet that sudden withdrawal can actually cause death. Luckily, I did not die.
As January progressed, I kept a small notebook journal of my experience. By the end of the month, I realized that I have never formed my own opinion on alcohol consumption. I grew up in an environment with an abstinence mindset and I married into an environment that practices radical acceptance. These two extremes revealed themselves in my pendulous behavior between excess and abstinence and I decided I could not restart drinking until I had a better understanding of why I was at risk for over consumption.
In order to address this situation, I adopted a measured approach. I wrote up lists of all the times, the feelings and the situations that had me reaching for a beverage and I started paying attention to how often my lifestyle behavior was “alcohol centric”. Once I prepared my lists, I carried them around until I felt sure that they were complete and reflective of the times that I really did want to drink. After all that study and time, it became apparent that either I had to learn to moderate my drinking or I had to quit altogether. The way I was living was not going to be an option going forward. Since I was not ready to quit altogether, I decided to try moderation.
I came up with a decision flowchart of when it is okay to have an alcoholic drink. This chart is comprised of a series of yes and no questions designed to help me avoid some of the more mindless consumption activities that I had identified. I worded the questions so that every time I said yes, I hit a dead end. The result is that I have to say no seven or eight times before the path leads me to say yes to a drink.
All of that may sound like too much obsessing over alcohol, especially for those who are pro-abstinence. It may also be moot as I may have to quit anyway, but I do have some reasons for hope. One, I observed that our society really does push us not so subtly to over consume alcohol. When I was not paying attention, I was susceptible to that pressure in a way that I think I am better equipped to now navigate. Two, I did not do this by myself. I used guidelines from an online group that provides advice and support for those trying moderation. Three, drinking for me is different from smoking. Yes, I can drink too much, but I never in a million years would try to moderate smoking. I know that I cannot have even one cigarette. I learned that from twenty-two years of trying to quit. It is not how I interact with nicotine and this feels different.
Around mid-March, I completed my process and felt ready to put it all into action. I tweaked a few things over the first few weeks and for the most part, it is working. I feel like I am building positive character muscle as I learn to moderate how I consume alcohol. This mindfulness is also paying dividends in other areas including food and social media consumption. I do not know what the future holds, but after seven months, I can report that at first, I was thinking about it all the time and now, it just seems like less of a thing. I no longer drink too much. I practice alcohol moderation.
